What’s political angst? In the weeks since the election, I’ve heard from a number of people—clients and friends, both—about their feelings of sadness, anxiety, dread, and grief. It can be difficult to understand how many of our fellow citizens can view the present and future so differently than we do. Given the feelings of distress, I thought it would be worthwhile to start my weekly blog posts with a few thoughts about grief.
Each of us feels and experiences grief and the process of grieving in our own way. You can’t rush through it, and you can’t stuff it down. The hard fact is that we have to fully experience it to get to the other side.
Here’s one helpful action: talk about your feelings with someone who simply wants to listen, not “fix everything” for you.
People who aren’t experiencing the recent election as you are, or are simply processing it differently, might be unaware of what you’re feeling. Have patience, both with yourself and your friends. They want to help, but may not know how. Communicate calmly what you need from them. For example, “I appreciate that you want to send me every article you read, but I realize taking all of that in isn’t good for my mental health. Please don’t send articles that speculate on what might happen in the future. There’s nothing I can do about that.”
Keep in mind, too, that your grief is your own. No one has the right to tell you what or how to feel. People who discount the pain or grief we feel have no idea what they’re talking about. And if a friend does that to you, that may be a red flag. You might want to consider taking a step back from the friendship, at least for the time being. This is no time for energy vampires, whether friends or family members.
Here are a few ideas for coping techniques as you move through the days and weeks ahead.
Establish and Maintain Connections
Creating a community can help remind us that we’re not alone. Reach out to family, friends, or support groups. Communicate your thoughts and feelings as well as hearing theirs. Communities can be virtual, too. I’ve found solace in reading two Substacks: Heather Cox Richardson, a historian who brilliantly elucidates contemporary events with reflections on history, and Jeff Tiedrich, an irreverent, passionate, profane commentator on each day’s news cycle.
Implement Routines
Even when it feels like the days are too short to manage everything—maybe especially when you feel that way—create a routine and stick to it. Include wake-up time, work hours, family time, play time, and bed time. During difficult periods, the first thing we sacrifice is often our own self-care. Give yourself permission to include it in your routine. This includes reading, exercise, meditation, and hobbies. Most importantly, it means healthy eating and getting enough sleep (8-9 hours/night).
Practice Mindfulness
This meditation practice seems ubiquitous these days. Unfortunately, it’s beginning to get a bad reputation as too pop culture-y. Don’t let the nay-sayers turn you off.
Mindfulness is an ancient practice that seems too simple to be effective, but modern scientific studies have shown it to be supremely effective for focus, resilience, and equanimity, among other things. Find a meditation app, check out the offerings on YouTube, or join a class. You’ll be glad you did.
Activities
Seek out meaningful activities that allow you to focus on solutions and action. Every community has action-oriented organizations. Join one, while staying realistic about what you have time for. And what you can achieve. If you can’t get to a meeting in your community, join one of the virtual activities that abound on the internet.
An activity that’s meaningful for you might not be politically-oriented. Help others: thinking about someone else, practicing compassion, immediately elevates our moods.
Consciously Maintain a Positive Mindset
Keep a gratitude journal. Each morning make a note of something you’re honestly grateful for. Alternatively, at bedtime, write down three things that gave you pleasure during the day: perfect blueberries at breakfast, for example, or a workmate complimented your necklace. What you appreciate needn’t be something extraordinary; the simple pleasures of the everyday can boost us quite a bit—if we take time to notice them.
And a Couple of Other Suggestions
Don’t forget to get aerobic exercise. It’s good for us in the long run, but also elevates our endorphins in the short term.
Practice bibliotherapy. That’s a fancy way of saying, Read a good book! There’s nothing wrong with escapism at a challenging time. Recently, I’ve loved The Other Valley and Funny Story
.